"You brush your teeth and I'll pick the book," I shouted across the house as my little monkeys clambered across each other towards the bathroom. We have double sinks in their bathroom, but they have to use the same sink and wait in line impatiently for the other to finish.
The pushing and shoving continued until they both were toothbrushed and pottied and climbed into bed with me.
"What book did you pick, Mama?" Peanut asked.
"An oldie but a goodie," I answered, although if I was being completely honest I would have answered,"The shortest one I could possibly find, because Mama is tired and DONE with the refereeing and the fighting and there is a very good $8 bottle of chardonnay in the fridge that needs to be open NOW."
Can we also talk about how they mostly call me Mom or Mama now, not Mommy?! They are way too old.
I chose a book that I don't particularly like. But it's a short book and I wasn't kidding about being done with the day. Also, it's way too babyish for them. We've been reading chapters of books some nights, mostly from my old Sideways Stories from WaySide School, but occasionally I've been delving into Harry Potter and, recently, Percy Jackson. Mostly, Bjorn reads those on his own during the day, as Peanut still enjoys a good picture book at night.
So what did I pick?
Good night moon.
I'm sure there are moms out there that love that book. It's so sweet and innocent, and if you have a sweet little toddler of a child, they usually wave Good Night to all the things in their room just like in the book.
But if you have my smart-ass children, they wave to EVERYTHING in the room. "Goodnight doorknob. Goodnight string that turns on my light and fan. Goodnight left sock. Goodnight right sock. Goodnight fart I just made." At this time of night, it just isn't cute anymore, so normally I don't read it.
But, again. SHORT. (And also, Chardonnay.)
This time I made it all the way to the page "Goodnight Cow Jumping Over the Moon" before interruption.
"Wait. Can that cow REALLY jump over the moon? Is that real?!" Peanut asked. She's been very into what is "real" lately.
"No. It's just a trick,"Bjorn answered her. " The cow is really close up and the moon is far away, so it LOOKS like it jumps over it because the moon is so small, but it really doesn't."
"Ohhhh..." Peanut says, confused.
"Because if it really was jumping over the moon," Bjorn continued, "the cow would be jumping all the way into space, and it would get sucked into space where there is no gravity, and no air for it to breathe, so it would die before it could even get to the moon to jump over it."
I think we have definitely outgrown this book.