Wednesday, January 23, 2013

S&*t my Kids Say

For some reason, Bjorn despises having his teeth brushed lately (can we say HORRIFIC Three's???), so we have pulled out all the tricks. Sometimes after he is finished brushing, we put on sunglasses and shield our eyes because "your teeth are so shiny, it hurts our eyes". (He loves that one!)

But to actually get him to brush, we started telling him about all the things caught in his teeth to make them dirty.  You know, like hippos and tigers, trucks and garbage cans. He is always excited to hear what we have brushed out of his teeth.

But the dental hygienist at our dental office had no idea what to say when she was finished cleaning his teeth and he asked,"Did you find any giraffes in there? How about lions or barking dogs?"

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Getting ready in the morning is a family occasion, with all four of us crowding into the master bathroom. Bjorn watches as I put in my contacts.

"Bjorn, what color are Peanut's eyes?" He turns to look at her.

"Peanut's eyes are blue."

"That's right, Bjorn. What color are Daddy's?"

"He has blue eyes, too. And yours are brown. And white. And red."

I blame the sleepless, baby and toddler-filled nights for those red eyes, kid.

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"Mommy, your hair is black." Bjorn remarked over his cereal this morning.

"Well, dark brown, actually, but. . . sure, Bjorn, my hair IS black."

"And, Daddy," He said, glancing over at The Hubs. "Yours is black. And white!"

It was the first time I've ever seen my not-yet-35-but-kids-are-making-him-go-gray-silver fox husband speechless.

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Our computer screen saver is family portraits we took when I was 16 months pregnant with Peanut. (Ok, ok. . . not quite 16 months, but it sure felt like it!) Bjorn watched the screen saver slide show this morning.

"Mommy! That's me and you!"

"That's right, Bjorn. That was before Peanut was born."

"Uh huh. Peanut's in your belly. You ate her."

He stops looking at the screen, turns, and stares at me. "Mommy. You ate Peanut! Why would you eat Peanut?!?"

Before I could stop myself, I answered, "No, I didn't eat Peanut!"

"Then how did she get in your belly?!?"

Ummmmmm. This is too soon - too soon!! I have no responses appropriate for a 3 year old. I was grasping for some kind of answer when Bjorn answered for me.

"Is it magic?"

"Yes, Bjorn, magic. Some might even call it 'magical'."

Whew.

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And it wouldn't be a S&*t my kids say story time without one from the Peanut herself:
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I was showing off to a friend over lunch all the words Peanut, at a mere 18 months, can say.

"Peanut, say Mama."

"Mama," she says, taking a bite of her sandwich.

"Say 'Thank you'." "Dank coo."

"Say 'Please'." "Peassss." She eats another bite of sandwich.

"Boots. Shoes. Socks. All done." "Boos. Shuuu. Sawws. Aww done." she parrots back to me.

"Hmmmm. What other words do you know, Peanut?"

She reaches for her milk, accidentally knocking it over. With perfect comedic timing, she sighs,"Ohhh Sh*t."

3 comments:

kderoll said...

That is so funny. My guess is that one of Blue Jay's first words is going to be "f*ck"

MamaG said...

hilarious!! I love this post.

PkNews said...

I Like Your Post....

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