Friday, March 30, 2012

Parenting Rule #47

Parenting Rule #47: Don't Make Eye Contact

When both your kids are in one room together, and you don't hear screams of "No! That's mine!" and "Get out get out get out get out get out!", so you go to check on the silence, whatever you do - don't make eye contact.

Don't peer around the open door and see your children playing happily together, the big brother showing his little sister how each car has an engine and goes "vroom vroom" and the little sister sitting patiently, waiting for each car to be shown to her. And whatever you do, don't lean against the open door frame, smiling, glad to see that you brought such loving, joyful children into this crazy, messed-up world.

Because the second you do, your delightful children will look up at you, and the second their eyes meet yours, the sweetness they have for each other will turn into disgust. The boy will grab his cars away from his little sister, who is now insisting on eating them (engine and all!), and when she doesn't let go, the screams of "hockey fight!!" will be heard as he begins to, well. . . . try and fight her like they do in hockey.

This is also important to remember when you are rocking your sweet little baby girl, and she is just drifting off, eyelids fluttering, her fingers finally loosening their death grip on your hair, and you snuggle down a little closer, just happy to have her in your arms, knowing she will grow up way too fast. And her eyelids flutter open, locking eyes with you for just a milli-second - a milli-second! - as your avert your gaze immediately. . . . but it's too late. She saw you.

And now the going-to-bed routine has to start over.

Remember Rule #47.  It could save your night.

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