Friday, March 30, 2012

Parenting Rule #47

Parenting Rule #47: Don't Make Eye Contact

When both your kids are in one room together, and you don't hear screams of "No! That's mine!" and "Get out get out get out get out get out!", so you go to check on the silence, whatever you do - don't make eye contact.

Don't peer around the open door and see your children playing happily together, the big brother showing his little sister how each car has an engine and goes "vroom vroom" and the little sister sitting patiently, waiting for each car to be shown to her. And whatever you do, don't lean against the open door frame, smiling, glad to see that you brought such loving, joyful children into this crazy, messed-up world.

Because the second you do, your delightful children will look up at you, and the second their eyes meet yours, the sweetness they have for each other will turn into disgust. The boy will grab his cars away from his little sister, who is now insisting on eating them (engine and all!), and when she doesn't let go, the screams of "hockey fight!!" will be heard as he begins to, well. . . . try and fight her like they do in hockey.

This is also important to remember when you are rocking your sweet little baby girl, and she is just drifting off, eyelids fluttering, her fingers finally loosening their death grip on your hair, and you snuggle down a little closer, just happy to have her in your arms, knowing she will grow up way too fast. And her eyelids flutter open, locking eyes with you for just a milli-second - a milli-second! - as your avert your gaze immediately. . . . but it's too late. She saw you.

And now the going-to-bed routine has to start over.

Remember Rule #47.  It could save your night.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Sugar and Spice

Such a sweet kid. Really.

Two year old's surprise me. One moment they are on their hands and knees kicking and screaming at the grocery store, all because I said I would make noodles when we got home and he wanted them right now right now right now right now.

The next moment, he hears me cough, comes running up to me, cupping my face in his hands to say,"Mommy, you sick? You ok? You need sum-thin' make you feel much much better. You need coffee."

What a sweet kid.

And how this kid knows me. Coffee will make me feel much much better? Um, yes. . . yes, it will. Thanks, Bjorn.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Winning the Battle with a Two Year Old


Yes, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won!!!!

No. . . not the lottery  (although I did win a little bit back in January).

I have won in the battle of the TV.

See, I have nothing against TV. Nothing at all. I myself enjoy a little Law & Order and old episodes of How I Met Your Mother. I love football Sundays (and Mondays and Thursdays) and have been known to marathon CSI all day long.

So, I had nothing against TV. Until it became the first thing my 2 year old asked for in the morning and every 2 minutes after that, until he finally went to bed at night.

If the TV was already on, he would even ask for "More TV" if he saw that his show was ending. If The Hubs or I put the channel on something more adult than Jake and the Never Land Pirates, the mantra became "More Bjorn TV, please. Bjorn TV!"

What my 2 year old has not yet understood is that I would love to let him watch some TV. A show or two a day. Because while it may entertain and educate him, it gives me a break.

But I refuse to let him watch TV show after show after show, and the kid won't just settle for one episode of Little Einsteins without throwing a worlds-gonna-end hissy fit.

So I cut it out. Completely. Didn't listen to the whining and the crying and the all day temper tantrums. Didn't lose my cool when all I wanted was a break and all he wanted was to bug me.

No, I kept the TV off.

(Except for that one time I was putting the baby to sleep and she was fussing and I just needed him to BE QUIET. And that one other time when I hadn't yet had a cup of coffee, but I had already put together two puzzles, read a book and danced with Mr. Potato Head. It is for these times that TV was invented..)

And this morning, for the first time in probably six months. . . .he didn't ask for TV.

Not once in the first 15 minutes he was awake. Or in the next 15 minutes. OR FOR THE NEXT HOUR.

He woke up, came to hug me and began to play with blocks. 5 seconds later when he got tired of that, he found a puzzle to throw around the living room. Then it was time to annoy his baby sister by hugging her and not letting go. After that came car crashing, more singing and dancing with Mr Potato Head, and fun-with-flashlights, with a slight break for milk, juice, bananas and helping me put laundry in the washer.

All in all, it was a good morning.

A great morning for no TV.

And did I mention - I won this battle?!

Bring it on, Hunger Games. If I can withstand the torment of a temper-tantrum throwing two year old who wants Mickey Mouse Clubhouse ("I want it now!now!now!") and won't settle for the distant second choice of reading "Everyone Poops" yet one more time, I can take your bows and your arrows and your Muttations.

Because I'm a victor.

Friday, March 23, 2012


One of Motherhood's Greatest Dilemmas:

That moment when your non-sleeping baby starts to finally drift off to sleep in your rocking arms

and your nose begins to itch. Uncontrollably. Incessantly. To the point of insanity.!