Dear Preggo Friend;
Since you are flying in next week, I thought I would send you a little note to prepare you before your trip.
NOTHING you see in my house is indicative of how your life will be. Don't be scared off, overwhelmed or freaked out by what you may see. Trust me.
Having one - like that one little bun in your toaster oven - is totally different than two. . . . and it's easier 75% of the time. And the only time having two is easier is when you hear the baby start screaming in the living room and the oldest runs to you in the kitchen to tell you that Peanut has spit up/rolled over/been stepped on by him. It's nice to have a second set of eyes - even if that second set of eyes is attached to a second set of shoes that thinks his little sister resembles a soccer ball.
Your child, though, will be perfect and never spit up, scream or roll over without you noticing.
I've heard that there are also children out there who play by themselves. For, like, an hour at a time. My children like me to be present in the room at all times, and every game begins with 'Look, Mom! Now - YOU do it!'. Playing by themselves is a thing of the future. . . and hopefully, the not too distant future.
Your child will be one of those 'play by themselves' children. They will love playing with their friends, and interact quite socially, but will never wrap themselves around your leg until you promise to play cars with them one.more.time.
I've also heard that some children know how to whisper. And walk slowly. Generally be quiet and non-disruptive. Wow! Really?! I have children who like to yell rather than chat, run rather than stroll and generally be loud, disruptive and crazy. On good days, I call them 'spirited'. Bad days? Well, I would rather not say what I call them then.
Your child, Preggo friend, will talk daintily. She won't pick up on the curse words you mutter. She won't yell or scream or throw tantrums.
And don't be overwhelmed by my (supposed) discipline skills and knowledge of baby information. Everything I know is the result of countless hours (days, weeks, months) of trial and error. I have learned the same way you will - by watching other (and, for me, better) mothers. I'm also wingin' it.
Until little pieces of red yarn showed up in Bjorn's diaper, I had no idea I should put a blanket down on the rug because babies like to eat fuzz. Then I promptly forgot about that until Peanut did the same thing. Trial and error.
But, seriously, Preggo Friend of Mine, this house will be nothing like your house. I am sure your house will be clean and quiet, with long periods of free time for you and your Hubby. I am sure your baby will never poop all over that gorgeous dry clean only dress you wear to the office when you meet a client, and never ever will they scream at inoppurtune times when you are just about to finish that deadline.