Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Scared - and not just for Halloween

I've always been a little scared of my kids.

With Bjorn, he was such a bad napper and I needed him to sleep so badly, that I would literally tiptoe around my house. Meanwhile, The Hubs would vacuum, watch action movies in the loudest surround sound we have, and carry on long phone conversations right outside his door.

And he never woke. But I needed his nap oh-so-badly that I was always scared that I would wake him with the slightest sound.

With Peanut, I'm still scared of her.

But not because of sleeping. So far (and knock on wood for me, will ya?!) she is a great sleeper. She's been going to bed about 8:30, sleeping through the night pretty much fully, minus some pacifier-putting-in about 4:30 or 5:30 am. Then sleeping in until 8. (But the toddler has me up at 5:30. Ugh.)

She doesn't really sleep much during the nap. Mostly catnaps of 45 minutes to an hour. But she can sleep in the living room with a movie on. While Bjorn plays 'marching band' (which is pretty much what it sounds like, completely with cymbals, honking horn and drum).

She also naps in her bed during the day, something that was hard to do with Bjorn because he only liked to sleep while being held. Peanut is much easier to put down.

She is also just as smiley as Bjorn was, if not more. As long as she is getting direct attention - whether from me, Daddy, Bjorn or the Dog - she is happy and all smiles. She loves to play, loves to be sung to and coos sometimes for no reason at all.

But I'm still scared of this.

I'm afraid that at any moment, for absolutely no reason and with absolutely no cure, my sweet, coo-coo will turn into the banshee we had the first few weeks. I'm so nervous that if we don't stop a crying fit in the first few minutes, then it will accelerate into the never-ending crying no parent should ever have to endure.

Which has only happened once in the last 6 weeks. Last night. And she only screamed for an hour. Then slept through the night. So, really, it wasn't that bad.

I'm still scared.

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