The time is getting closer to Peanut's birth (2 weeks, people - 2 weeks!) so I thought I should write the one post I have been putting off, telling myself it wasn't even necessary to write.
But if it wasn't necessary, I wouldn't keep thinking about it, then, would I?
So here goes.
I am going to have a repeat c-section.
Yes, even if my water breaks on its own. Even if I start to go into labor early. Even if that means rushing to the hospital at 2 am to get cut open and gutted.
Not a very good visual, I know, but let's be honest here, that pretty much sums it up.
I have friends who are considering VBACs (Vaginal Birth After C-Sections). Friends who had completely natural births. Friends who do the "normal" delivery of epidural and vaginal birth. Friends who don't truly understand why I am choosing to have surgery.
Trust me, I really wish I didn't have to. Especially after the depression and breakdown following the previous one.
But it's the right decision for me.
I did alot of research and talked to my doctor about the possibility of a VBAC. While he doesn't do them often, he - and the hospital where I will deliver - will do them. Which is rare, I'm told. Not many doctors or hospitals will allow them.
Which is Strike One against VBAC's for me. Because if a hospital is saying it is an unsafe practice and they won't allow them to be done at their facility, who am I to argue? Call me naive; call me innocent, but I can't bring myself to believe that the entire health care system is using c-sections as a revenue generator for doctors and health care providers. Which is what Pro-VBAC'ers always say to me. That doctors and anesthesiologists want to make that extra $1500 per patient, so they would rather put the mother through surgery than let her deliver on her own. That c-sections are a way for doctors and hospitals to rack up the bills on the patient, increasing their fees.
I cannot think that people - even a large, greedy group of people - could really think this way. So I believe instead that doctors and hospitals don't allow them for the reason they state in their medical practices information. Because it is more dangerous for the mother and baby, and the risk is higher for both.
Which is what my doctor told me when we discussed VBAC. He was completely honest with me. I remember the conversation going something like this: "A VBAC is not dangerous in itself. It is dangerous in the 5% chance that something goes wrong. And in the 5% chance that something goes wrong, there is a 90% chance of something going very, very wrong for mother and child. Hysterectomy for the mother. Permanent brain damage or death for the baby." And this is where I stopped listening, because after you mention brain damage or death, what more is there to hear? Nothing. Not for me.
Because if there is an increase in a chance that something would go wrong with my baby, then I am totally out.
Strike Two and Three. Hell, let's strike out the next two batters and move to the next inning.
You might say that there is always a risk when it comes to birth - and you're right. I understand that completely. There is a risk when it comes to surgery. I understand that, too. But the increase of any risk in a c-section is not to the baby. It is to the mother, in terms (mostly) of infection because of surgery. Although I don't like the possibility of having surgical complications, I feel that it is more important to make sure that the baby can be born as healthy as possible.
So that is why I am choosing surgery this time. That is why even though I am scared to pieces of having another c-section, I am willing to do it.
In case you were wondering.