Saturday, February 26, 2011

Bring it on

I've always wanted to join the mommy groups. That group of girls who sits at Starbucks with their skinny decaf lattes, talking breastfeeding and breastfeeding poops, holding impossibly cute babies while trying to wrangle down their hyperactive toddlers.

But this scenario takes duex (or whatever comes after duex in French. I don't actually know French. Or Italian. Or any other foreign, romantic language. I just mean it takes more than moi). As in - I can't just sit there myself and do it, or else I look like what I really am. A frazzled Preggo drinking actual caffeine (gasp!) because I need it to chase after my annoyingly hyperactive toddler who (shocker!) doesn't want to listen to me, but wants to break every "un"breakable coffee mug Starbucks sells.

High school was right - friends make you look cooler.

I began searching for this group while I was Preggo. Continued searching after Bjorn was born and throughout his first year. Found some great girls that I know only online. Figured out as well that I had some pretty dang good friends here in town, four of whom had kids. Aha - my very own Mommy group!

Except online friends can't meet you at Starbucks in the middle of a very very grumpy afternoon. And my in-town friends with kids? They had their own lives, and couldn't always meet when I was free. Which meant. . . .

I needed to join a Mommy's Group.

Ugh. I dread that. Because as much as I want to be a part of a group, I want to be a part of a group that I love, and that loves me. And how can picking one off the Meetup.com or Momslikeme.com mean I meet my perfect group of friends? Could there be a Match.com for Mommy groups? (Questions: When you meet for playdates, in your thermos do you have a) organic, no sugar added apple juice. The kid is always thirsty! b) Oops. I forgot the thermos again! Hope someone else's mommy will share their juice with him! or c) bloody marys or mimosas. I need it to get through a playdate with this many kids.)

I recruited my friend Nic to browse through Mommy Meetups and finally decided to join the one she was in. After all, I like her, she likes me, so at least I have one friend in the group already.

The first playdate was a demo class for KinderMusik.  My kid, the one with the always dripping nose, had a blast running around, banging on drums and shaking maracas. A born musician.

Halfway through the class, the Mommy Group Leader overhears the music teacher ask me Bjorn's age.

"21 months," I answered.

"Uhmmmm," says Group Leader Mommy, leaning forward," Did you say - 21 months?"

"Oh well, I guess he's 20 months. Or two weeks from being 21 months. Almost there. I don't really keep track of his age that closely. I just know he'll be two in June!" I joke, laughing at the fact that I am one of those moms who don't really do "motherhood" that strictly.

"Hmmmm." Group Leader Mommy Bitch says.

She was obviously verrrry disappointed in my inability to keep track of my child's age. Or his nose, as I found out later.

My absolute favorite activity to take Bjorn to is an open house gym where they throw all the kids gymnastics equipment in the middle of the bouncy gym floor and tell the kids to have at it. There are balance beams and vaults, uneven bars and trampolines. They throw balls and jump rope and jump into a giant pit of foam blocks.

The week after my KinderMusik class, I brought Bjorn and was talking to one of the instructors at the gym. 

"You know, we had a crazy Mommy here last week. She wanted her money back ($5!!!) because one of the little girls that showed up here had a runny nose and we let her in to play. As if we can keep every kid out that has a runny nose!! Its the winter. Everyone has a runny nose! She yelled and threatened and we practically threw her money at her. As she was telling us she was going to leave and never was going to come back!"

I relayed that info to Nic later that afternoon. "Can you believe it?! Some moms are sooooo crazy! Every kid has a freakin' runny nose all the time!"

"Yeah, girl, I know. . . and guess what?! That was Crazy Group Leader Mommy Bitch!"

Wow. It gets better, too.

Nic RSVP'd to a date night murder mystery theatre dinner CGLMB was throwing at her house only to find out her Hubs had to work that night. I was thrilled to step in - dress up in character and see whodunit in the library with a knife?! Sounds fun - and sounds like something I could never possibly convince my Hubs to do. And CGLMB had already set up a babysitter at her house, so all was good with Bjorn.  Nic called up CGLMB and told her I was coming instead.

And I was a No-Go. Apparently, since Bjorn hasn't been to many playdates yet, she was afraid (before he even showed up, before she even knows my kid, before she even asked Nic or me what he is like) that he wouldn't be able to handle being at someone else's house and he would ruin our dinner. That the babysitter wouldn't be able to deal with him and the other kids whom he doesn't know. That he would be a problem.


Now I know exactly why I hadn't joined a sorority in college. I don't like playing games. I don't like kissing butt. I don't like playing nice.

It's on, CGLMB. You don't mess with me, and you absolutely don't mess with my kid. It is so completely and totally on.

9 comments:

Erinn said...

This is exactly why I am weary of joining a mom's group. Being still relatively new to CA, I am just now making a few good friends...before all my friendships were online due to distance, etc. Everyone kept telling me to join a mom's group but I just wasn't excited about it. I'd rather have just ONE good friend I can meet up with on occasion, then be around a bunch of women who either act fake, judge you openly/behind your back, or are all about "ME, ME, ME"! I'd take Landon and his runny nose any day! ;-) Good luck with CGLMB, she sounds like a real piece of work! Remember those mean girls in high school and college?...well they grew up to be mean women...people don't change much....

Mommy This and That said...

And this is probably the reason I have been kicked out of 2 mommy groups. I'm too much of a wuss to go and then they kick me out for not coming to at least 1 outing in 2 months. But I am afraid of this scenario or one where I just don't click with anyone. Sometimes I can tell from the threads on the message boards I won't click. Other times the people I seem to click with don't live anywhere near me. Wish you were closer, we could form our own group!!

Paige said...

andi! so sorry you have had these experiences! does your church not do MOPS or anything similiar. That is a great place to start. Of course, I guess there are snobby people everywhere, but I wouldn't keep that from making any other mommy groups. And if the little guy is "hyper" plan for places like the park, indoor playgrounds, where running around like a crazy kid is encouraged!!!

Me Too said...

We do mostly outdoors park activities - its just nicer to let him run free than try to contain all that spirit!!

And we dont have MOPS at my church - just another moms group I am part of. That doesn't really do much, either. Too bad!

Meg said...

Geez. Nobody messes with Bjorn, nobody.

I would demand my money back from that mommy group. DEMAND!!! Just tell her that it didn't work out and she can suck it.

Amber Page Writes said...

Dude. That sucks. I've been lucky enough to find a few moms within a larger mom's group who I can actually relate to (they may even be real "friends" soon), but there are a lot of scary ones out there.

At the first meetup I went to, this home schooling beeyatch made me feel like a pariah because I (gasp) work. Luckily I haven't run into anyone like her since...

KLZ said...

Dude, that woman is not worth your time. She's clearly got issues.

Tamara said...

I would join your mommy group in a heartbeat.

R said...

I'd be afraid of that too!! Unfortunately (for me) I don't really have much in the way of options (or TIME) for Mommy Groups because I have to work outside of the house full-time. At a job that gets progressively worse as the days go by... I digress. Sorry about CGLMB! Hope you find a Mommy Group that you fit with!! (our local MomsLikeMe site was awesome for those, before corporate made big changes and practically shut us down...) GOOD LUCK!!