Today was a baby-free day for me.
Today, a day off work but sans toddler, was intended to be a day to get all my non-baby appropriate chores ticked off my to-do list. (Scrubbing floors, bikini wax, finally get my much talked about tattoo*.)
After dropping Bjorn at daycare, I dressed in my gym clothes only to realize that I really didn't want to go to the gym. So I didn't. Instead I took a nice, long, hot shower.
It was wonderful.
And as I was drying off without a little boy trying to grab my towel, or dropping all his toys in the toilet or the tub, I thought, 'I could get used to this.'
I could get used to taking a shower without a kiddo waking up from his nap - crying - just as I get under the water. I could get used to a hot, hot shower with non-Johnsons shampoo because there isn't a little kiddo in there with me, who doesn't like hot water and real shampoo that gets in his eyes. I could get used to being able to shave and lotion because he let me get a shower in, but he gets the door open by the time I get out to lotion up.
I could get used to it.
And I can see why people don't want kids. I understand that it is a huge requirement of time, patience, money and compassion. I understand that having a kid can be the most consuming, demanding job and some people aren't ready for it. Some people don't want to be saddled with the baggage of a kiddo. They like being unencumbered and fancy-free.
Me? I kinda like being cumbered.
Yeah, I could get used to having my free time to myself. But not for long. Not now that I have this little person to share my life with and not now that I know what the trade-off would be for not having him.
Do I want a hot shower or a drolly kiss from a puckering-up toddler? I'll take the drooly kiss. (But I wouldn't mind a hot shower once a week - or so.)
Do I want new clothes or gymnastics classes for the munchkin? Let's see him tumble! (And if I can get some cheapy knock-offs at Ross, then all for better!)
Do I want The Wiggles or CSI on TV? Nothing is better than watching him 'dance' to The Wiggles. (But I'll turn to CSI when he's asleep.)
I enjoy my nice, long, hot shower on my kiddo-free days, but I also miss him. There is too much free time, too much silence**, too much too-much. My life doesn't seem as fulfilled or as meaningful without Bjorn with me. Is it an easier day? Oh yes. Much. But easier isn't what makes me happy. Easier doesn't crawl into my lap at night, throw his food to the dog and laugh, and refuse to put on pants or a shirt. Easier doesn't play in the dog's water bowl, grab my hand when he steps off a curb or make me press all the buttons on his Scout doll. Easier isn't better.
I'll take harder. I'll take being cumbered. I'll take my baby boy. (But I'll also take the occasional day care days, too. Nothing like having your cake and eating it too!)
*I've been talking about getting a tattoo since I was pregnant with Bjorn. Something to
commemorate my little baby. While I was pregnant, I, thinking I was going to have a girl, drew the perfect tattoo of my little girl's initials and had it all ready for ink.
Then Bjorn was born, and, well, I was wrong about having a girl, so I went back to the drawing board.
I finally came up - again - with the perfect tattoo, and today was the day for inking. Except my Hubs had to work and my friend had to cancel (no baby-sitter), and since I need someone to hold my hand as I get it done, well. . . it will just have to wait a little while longer!
**Too much silence? Oh yes, it can happen. After a few hours of kid-free, the house seems to be too big and too quiet to bring any joy. Unless you're sleeping. And then it's perfect.