Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Honest, It's True

As early as elementary school, I was the one (in the teal, plastic-rimmed glasses) trying so desperately to win that award. Even if that award was given to those 3rd graders with perfect attendance. I have to go to school every day? So what? I wanted the award.

Competitive, much?!?

The obsession need to win awards and receive a million dollars praise has not diminished over the years. I still love awards. Even awards that come on flimsy paper that were probably printed from a home printer. Yeah, I'm kinda a big nerd.

So when I saw that I got this:

I was stoked.

First of all, getting an award means that someone loves me. You love me, Amber. You really do. I always knew it.

Secondly, getting this award means that I don't have to think of a blog to post for today. That all the thousands of disjointed sentences that are rolling around in my head like kids on a road trip before car seats and seatbelts can remain in there for just another few days until I can figure out exactly what it is I'm trying to say.

Because this award is easy. All I gotta do, according to The Empress, is tell you 10 things about me you may not know. Honestly. Maybe some gross things. Mybe some you never wanted to know at all.

Oh, so you mean I just have to overshare? Done. This is blog-world, after all. That's what I do. And most of this honest (s)crap is out there anyways. . . .

Here goes:

  • I don't shower every day. Sometimes, even every other day. I'm not about to wake up early just for cleanliness. And Bjorn doesn't nap well, and on the occasion that he does, I'm not going to waste my precious time wasting the Earth's most precious resource. (See? I'm just being green!) I'm going to read a book or shop online for designer labels I cannot afford. But shower? No. I'll just wipe the main parts with a baby wipe.

  • I love books. I read them over and over again. And I will read anything that comes my way - except fad-dy books. I never read Harry Potter. I won't read Twilight. If the vast majority of people like them, I probably won't read it. It's not that I think I'm better than them, but. . . I'm better than them.

  • I have about three dozen articles/pieces/monstrosities written that I want to send out for publication. Except not a single one has an ending paragraph/sentence. I'm scared to death to finish one because then I might actually have to send it out and I might actually have to put my heart on the line and I might actually get to be a real writer. And then what do I strive for?

  • When I began writing this post, I couldn't remember the term for "perfect attendance" so I typed in google "don't miss any days of school award". Sometimes I forget the words for the simplest of things.

  • I watch The View every morning. I love it. I don't know why. They are not particularly insightful or interesting. But I'm still addicted.

  • I have been known to buy shoes at Goodwill and garage sales. I have never caught a foot disease from any of them. And they were some damn good shoes for some damn good prices. My Hubs thinks its disgusting. Deal with it

  • I love bowling. Love it. Would be on a bowling team tomorrow - ugly polo team shirt and all - if the Hubs would join with me.

  • I think Jenna Fischer and I could be BFF's. Because I could have been Pam on The Office. And Darlene in Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story. I think JF and I even look alike. I was meant to be that famous, everyday-girl actress. Because of that, we should be friends.

  • I'm the most outgoing, sociable person you'll meet, but it's all a front. I'm really a big weenie when it comes to meeting new people. I get all nervous (inside) and practice what I'm going to say and try on fifteen different outfits until I get the perfect one. That's why I make such a great first impression, but I think the second and third are probably let-down's.

  • I have been known to drop Bjorn's burpcloth outside on the ground, accidentally roll over it with a muddy stroller wheel and then continue to use it. Oh yeah, and I give my kid non-organic food, cheerios I find in the bottom of my purse and he likes to chew on my car keys. Whatever. He's fine.

    I know none of this is life-changing stuff here, and I probably didn't tell you anything you didn't already know. But that's me. A non-life-changing, not-particularly-different-from-anyone-except-those-crazy-all-organic-germaphobe-moms kind of girl. In a nutshell.

    If I knew then what I know now, #10 of honest scrap would have been completely different. So, here, for your viewing pleasure is my additional #11:

  • Trash accumulates in my car until I refill my gas tank - about every two to three weeks. Soda cans, receipts, In and Out Burger takeout bags - they all get thrown into the backseat, waiting for that next trip to Circle K. Today as I filled up, I found, buried under a sweatshirt and lots of trash, a diaper. A used diaper. And since I haven't been in or driven my car since last Wednesday, it was a used diaper that was at least a week old. I'm just glad it wasn't poopy. But, man. . it's still gross!!

    According to the rules, I have to tag some peeps and they have to be honest, too. You're all tagged. Even you. And you. And you and you and you.

    Write it. Let the world know you and your quirks. Even if I did "forget" to mention some of the worst. . . . . (Hey - the rules only said to write 10 here and I got quite a few more than 10!)


    dusty earth mother said...

    you are too funny!! and i'll definitely be back for more, too.

    Amber Page Writes said...

    Dude. A dirty diaper? Okay, you win in the messy car department. Although, I think I do have a used bottle rolling around back there...

    And a little dirt is good for them. I recently heard that the entire world is covered in a thin layer of feces...mmmm, feces.

    MommyDrinksBecauseYouCry said...

    Stopping by from Amber's. Damn. You are funny.
    I found a sippy of fermenting chocolate milk in the back of my car the other day. Apparently THAT was the smell I kept ignoring!
    Love the list.

    AndBabyWillMake4 said...

    I love your honesty...I hope one day we get to meet so I can overlook the first impression of you and we can just settle in to being real! :D

    Let's see...my car stunk for several days...until my husband realized last time he walked the dog with the stroller, he left the dog poop bag WITH poop in it, in the stroller and put it all in my car. Everytime I went for a ride I thought it was Spencer, only to find him in a clean diaper. And overtired me didn't bother to look for anything.

    Also on the shower thing...THANK YOU, THANK YOU,THANK YOU! I also don't shower every day...seriously, when he goes down I do a happy dance and run to the computer or my kindle! Shower? Pu-shaw.

    Meg said...

    yeah...uh i just noticed that i was tagged. could i write a post about me not doing the whole tag thing? hee hee! good try at getting me involved though!

    The Empress said...

    Hi! My favorite award is the honest scrap award.

    It feels just so dang good to come clean, doesn't it???

    Maybe I'll award it to myself once a month, I can do that...you know, on my own blog and stuff.

    Nice to meet you, thanks for the visit!

    sanjeet said...

    I do have a used bottle rolling around back there...
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    Melissa said...

    My husband would flip out if he found out I let my kids eat off the floor, I would never even jest letting on that I've let them eat stuff from the bottom of my purse.

    I heard phones are worse than keys, but all seems to be well so far ;)