I say 'I think' because it wasn't really a conscious decision. It just happened.
The past three weeks or so I have been breastfeeding pretty sporadically. Somedays he is nursed only in the morning. Sometimes in the morning and evening, and sometimes (if I don't leave the house and don't even bother to change out of my pajamas) I am waaaay too lazy to make a bottle, so he nurses all day.
Lately, though, it's almost been a battle to get him to breastfeed. He likes to look around, so he stops and starts. He gets frustrated because he actually has to work to eat to breastfeed, where with a bottle, it's pretty much like a beer bong - funnels right in.
He also has started this new thing where he likes to sit up to breastfeed. He sits on my lap and turns his face into me, then looks away, garbles some nonsense words, and then turns back in to eat. Not conducive to breastfeeding in public.
And being that I was never attached* to breastfeeding like some other Mamas I know, it's not really a big deal to me.
Yesterday, Daddy got out of bed, started the coffeepot brewing and made a bottle for Bjorn. Usually this is where I stop him, saying 'Nah, just bring him to bed and I'll feed him.' But I didn't do that. I got up slowly, and watched as Daddy finished feeding the little man. I drank my coffee when it was hot and fresh and loved every second of it.
Today, when Bjorn let us know that he was ready to get out of bed ("Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhh! Waaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!"), I got up, started the coffeepot brewing and made him a bottle. It didn't occur to me until a few hours later that I have never myself given him a bottle in the morning.
And I don't mind. It's no big deal. People don't breastfeed all the time. There's no loss of bonding between us - in fact, there may even be more now that I don't feel that I have to be around him all the time. Now I choose to be there - for feeding, for playing and for crying.
*By attached, I mean that I was never a La