Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Midday Thoughts

There was once a time when I thought I could do anything.

I wrote a letter to Nolan Ryan at the Texas Rangers, requesting to be a bat-girl for a season.

I interviewed with Oscar Meyer to drive (and promote) the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile.

I even published my first poem for an anthology of young writer's when I was 10.

Never did I think that I would be turned away. Never did I think that I wasn't good enough, or that someone might have just the be the teeniest bit better than me.

But somewhere between the resumes and the mochachinos, along the too-late nights and the way-too-early mornings, I lost my edge.

Never have I lost my desire. (I still kick myself every time I think of my third-round interview for Oscar Meyer. I was really hotdogging it, relishing every minute, until I choked at the last minute!) Never have I lost my will. (I still carve out moments of each day to write, whether on a napkin, the back of a receipt or my ever-trusty blogs.)

But I've lost my edge. And my only edge was that I didn't know how many others out there who were just as good, or (gasp!) better.

My edge allowed me to star in a couple (local) commercials and reap the benefits. ("Don't I know you? Oh, wait - you're the city's 'Save Water' girl!") My edge got me writing for a local newspaper and it sent me jumping headfirst into an event planning and promotions job I had absolutely no experience for but loved every moment of.

So what happened to my edge?

Did I drop it on the road when I drove away from Texas? Did someone find my edge lying across the gravel of I-10 somewhere between Houston and El Paso? Did I forget to put a doggie tag on it so someone could mail my edge back to me, with a nice note saying 'Found this in a cactus thorn. Thought you might want it back'?

I've got to get it though. Stop talking and start doing. Stop worrying and start doing. Stop planning and start doing.

Hmmm. . . I think I see a theme there. Just do it. Maybe Nike has a point. . . . . . .


Paige said...

i think you should write a tell all book about bringing home baby, breastfeeding, etc! it would be great!!

Frank said...

Ithink you have it and you edge is still there..

Keep kicking down those doors !!

John, Becky and Olivia said...

I don't think you lost it, it was just set to the side while life was happening. You've still got it. Maybe you are just using it in other areas for the moment!

AndBabyWillMake4 said...

I think having a baby just jumbles the edge and tamps it down where you think you've lost it. You've still got it, you just have to do a little digging...